Yet here I am...

Life is impossible. Yet, here you are

No truer words have been uttered…

The strength it takes to look at where you are at, especially when your circumstances have you in a place that you feel uncomfortable, is undeniable.

Strength of character comes from hardship, and hardship sucks…. Because it is uncomfortable…..

Kinda like my hot yoga training… yep you heard me, I’m comparing my very uncomfortable life circumstances to my brand new hot yoga practice….. When I first arrived at the yoga studio I was so happy, the room is a beautiful 30+degree’s with this amazing TV type screen that projects beautiful colors into the room. I laid on my mat and thought “I’ve found my happy place”….. And then we started to Yoga.

My idea of Yoga is soft bends, and happy fluffy moments…. THIS was not fluffy…. In fact, every muscle in my body was shaking by the end, as I curled into fetal position on my mat and waited for the stretcher to cart me off…. Feeling the pain of defeat I figured I would instead try Core Yoga, because I really wanted to lay down in that beautiful Hot Lotus room once again… and come on, its core Yoga, that’s got to mean that I get to spend an hour on my mat, mostly in a vertical position.  Also, because my coach will happily tell you, my major issues are due to my hate of building core… so core makes me a better runner?????

I laid in the glorious lotus room, set to 33 degrees, while with wind whipped around outside at a minus bazillion degrees, success, if anything I am escaping the brutal cold… As the rather loud Male voice pulled me out of my reverie (more like startled the heck out of me) I had my first ting of worry….

This was not the soft, relaxing voice of lay on your mat and chill yoga I was dreaming of…. No this was the Yogi Version of a drill sergeant. (note to self… always read the class descriptions, they are very insightful!)… as the Yoga Planks, and Funky Yoga Crunches, and balancing poses began I realized I was in WAY over my head…. As we adjusted our poses to rely on Core stabilization every cell in my body screamed… I tried short cuts, ways to get more comfortable, only to have Master Drill Sergeant pose next to me to ensure I understood I was cheating.  

30 minutes in I began to watch the clock, how much longer until the Lay down poses, cuz I needed to lay down, my legs and abs hated me…. And my arms could not hold another single Yoga Plank….

As we sunk to our mats for the last moments of Class I realized my mistake, Lay on your mat CORE sucked more than stand on one foot, airplane arms after a bazillion Yogi Crunches and Planks….  I am certain Master Yogi Drill Sergeant watched in dismay as my poses got weaker and weaker and I tried to fade into my bright orange mat. 

I laid in a crumpled heap of ouch… with my cold scented towel over my whole face in shame, and realized I’d be back…. There is something very addictive about the pain found in the lotus room…. I think it’s the scented towels they hand out at the end… erasing every memory of what occurred moments before…

This morning I woke up feeling the pain, Stiff and Sore all over. I was pouting about the fact I don’t have a beautiful bathroom to retreat too and relax, I cannot find my Rock Balm since my move, its minus a bazillion outside, and the circumstances I find myself in threaten to crush my spirits….

That was when I found the words on Face Book…. Life is Impossible, Yet here you are…..

In that moment I realized, the only thing I control right now is my own outlook, So I’ll sign up for the even more vigorous class at 3, because why not… I’ll head out to the gym and brave this cold weather, and I’ll dust off my resume and build myself a great new life again…. Even if it is not in my mountain town….  Because I’ve got places to visit, and goals to reach, and a life to live…  Because Yet…. Here I am.

Products I cannot live without: Rock Balm http://www.rockonclay.com/

Training http://www.5peaks.com/coaching/  Because Jacob really loves coaching and changing lives

Best Coaching retreat EVER: Rocky Mountain running Retreat

Yoga from Hell Currently found at Bliss (ironic right??) http://blissyogaspa.com/

It Starts with the Wins.....

It’s been a full year since my last blog, and life has changed so much.

I would have not returned to this place of blogginess if it were not for a simple request by a few friends…

So where do you go with your blog when you are no longer sure what to blog about….

I figure Lets start this year with the win’s… Because the rest of this year will be a journey in self-discovery, rebuilding mental strength, physical strength and spiritual strength…. And that my friends will be what this year’s Blog will be about.  I’m certain, as with everything I do, hilarity will follow closely….

To start 2018 off right, I’m focusing on my major wins from the last month.

1.     I gained no weight over the holidays

2.    I got a shiny new 100 mile buckle that I really should not have been able to finish….

Yup…. That is about it for now.

To say my life has had a few changes recently would be the understatement of the year, so as I sit here in my humans humble abode, in the non-mountain town of his existence, in my jammy pants and tank top… I am forced to admit that I am temporarily a part time mountain girl once again…. I get to split my life between my human and my mountains. It’s hard to explain how your heart can live in two places, how you love being with your human but your soul remains at home on the trails of your dear mountain town….How I feel an emptiness in my soul when I am away from the mountains I love….

With that said…. I have the most amazing opportunity to live in both worlds, with the ability to focus on training and playing as much as possible….

So let’s start this New Year with a fresh outlook.

I’ve got new XC skis calling my name

I’ve got an amazing run coach

I’ve got beautiful friendships

I’ve got a great Mountain retreat to escape to

I’ve got nothing but time for the new few months, time to re-build and re-focus on my physical strength, nutrition, and as with anything in life to be successful my mental and spiritual strength…

And I’ve got a blank Blog to fill….

So….. Stay tuned…. As this could get crazy!

Running with Jade "coach" in Kimberley BC. Altra Kings, wicked snow traction and comfort! 

(coaching by Jacob @ Peak Run Performance. check out his site... it will change your life!)

MLAAMB log 9

My life as a mountain bum Log 9

Crossroads and Uncle Dale...

I guess to really understand my mountain needs you need to understand where the sparkle came from....

I was a young girl, and by young I would say 8 tops, when I had my first mountain hike...

I don’t really remember much from our trip to the mountains, outside a hike with my Uncle Dale...

I remember the trail, and the wonder of the climb, although at this point I’m certain it was probably a small hill...

I remember drinking from a clean fresh spring, and feeling like that water held magic in it....

And that is all I remember from that trip, the magic of that one adventure...

Being with Uncle Dale, trying to keep up to his long strides...

Listening to him talk about the trail, and the mountains, and the nature around us....

Only to be taken back years later to another wonderful adventure up another mountain trail with that same wonderful man....

Building new mountain memories and bonds....

I think the Mountains, trail running, and hiking, is a disease that some catch early in life...

And it lays there dormant until we are ready to embrace it again...

It makes perfect sense that I would return to the Mountains for healing...

How when I was at my most broken moment I found strength...

Only to move permanently 7 years later...

And eventually make my life here.

It also makes sense that I have struggled with the last few bits of my previous life being stripped away... Embracing life of less....

A life that is stripped of titles and salaries....

And brought back to the basics...

And as the weeks go by...

And I slowly learn to let go...

It makes even more sense that I am willing to have even less...

To loosen my grip just enough to allow for a little more freedom to come in....

To really make the next year about freedom...

And self-discovery....

I turn 40 in just a few days....

It’s just another number....

But one that has me longing enough for those first mountain days 7 years ago...

When I knew nothing of the trail...

Nothing of gear...

Nothing of nutrition...

Where each adventure was filled with wonder...

And at the end I would fall into my car and cram an apple down my throat to keep myself from bonking too hard....

How I had no idea how to work my Garmin...

I didn’t know what a race was....

I owned road runners from Winners....

And was so carefree on the trail I never thought about the dangers of running alone...

I’m looking to find my roots...

The joy of being alive on the trail...

Without trying to do it all..

Or be everything t everyone....

Without spreading myself too thin and missing the whole point of being alive...

So I’m letting go of one more thing....

One more stress...

One more role...

One more paycheck...

And I’m going to focus in on the things that I am really thriving in....

Including my adventures.....

Because the mountains are calling....

And I must go!

My life as a Mountain Bum Log 8

It’s interesting where the mind will go at times....
Tonight as I prepped for my evening adventure I set the crock pot on high and filled it with chicken thighs.... Anticipating the hunger that would follow a night on the trails...
My run was a thing of beauty...
Stunning trails, fun and technical terrain....
A not so fun bear encounter...
Lots of heat....
Even more beautiful scenery....
and the feeling of accomplishment after a long weekend on the trails, and tired legs.
The exhilaration of the adventure fed my soul as I headed home thinking it was time to feed my body...
Opting for a quick hard-boiled egg and apple, I decided to leave the crock pot on a while longer while I walked the beasts and took a salt bath....
A little extra time to tenderize and simmer in the flavors... 
I took my time with the beasts, and relaxed as my legs were soothed by heat and salt in preparation for my next adventure...
Its funny where the mind goes at times....
From an exhilarating and fulfilling adventure to the crock pot on the counter...
As I pulled the meat out and shredded it for my weekly meals my mind drifted to that first time I bought the Crock Pot I affectionately call "my wife"...
I was visiting my sister in Swift Current...
It was a hard time in my life as i was taking the steps to leave an unsafe Marriage, and I just needed to get away to clear my head....
She made us ribs in her Crock Pot, Sweet and Sour Ribs.... that were the best thing I had ever tasted in my life....
We chatted over ribs and she told me all about the glory of the crock pot.... 
A most normal moment in my very broken world...
The next day we went to the Co-op and I bought one for myself...
She's not fancy... 
She has no auto timer...
Only 3 settings....
Simmer...
Low...
And High....
She's not pretty at all...
Decorated in a 1970's retro look that is just retro enough to not look cool, rather like an old farm house....
But she is loyal...
She has cooked for me countless meals...
Always leaving something hot for me to enjoy after a long day of work or adventure seeking...
Sometimes she cooks all night to bring me pulled pork for my lunch the next day...
Or she hosts family pot lucks with her famous caramel apple filling... 
And each time I use her I am reminded of my sister...
And how I took 3 things away from that weekend...
My Crock Pot....
The H1N1....
And a little more strength to move forward in the process of changing my life....
I guess in some ways my little "wife" reminds me of my freedom...
And all those amazing people who supported me through that hard time.... 
And so I'll cherish my ugly 1970's crock pot....
And all the memories that come with her....
But mostly...
I'll just love her for her yummy food!

Am I ready? MLAAMB Log 7

My life as a Mountain Bum

Am I ready?

March 7 2016—Log 7

Its 12:49 on a Monday....

I spent the morning doing work stuff, race stuff, and personal stuff...

Including hacking at my dogs unruly hair....

Both girls are sleeping peacefully despite the 80’s feathered look they are sporting...

My window is open.... Letting in the spring like mountain air...

Lady Mac and Squaw look beautiful in the sunlight out my window...

A view to live for....

That is what it is...

Yet inside, I feel like crawling into my room... pulling the covers over my head....

And just hiding....

My life changed this weekend....

And instead of having work to bury myself in, I am forced to face the reality of that change.

I have come to realize this weekend, just how easy it was to numb myself to feelings when I was on call 24/7....

When I had so many people relying on me....

Now...

With me...

And my girls....

Alone in my condo....

I realize...

I spent to many years chasing a dream...

A life....

That didn’t exist....

We get one chance at this life...

One chance to love...

One chance to live...

Once chance to leave a legacy....

Life goes on...

Can I figure out how to move with it???

Can I learn to leave my past self behind...

And accept the life that is in my future....

Can I give what I’m supposed to give...

Laugh without restriction...

Love without boundaries,

Be a person of value...

And friendship....

I think so...

I had great examples before me....

I will follow them...

I will move forward...

Step by step....

Look out world...

I’m coming....

And we al thought this mountain move was going to be easy ;)

My Life as a Mountain Bum Log 6

My life as a Mountain Bum’.

Out Running the disease

March 4 2016—Log 6

And then came the run....

Or at least that is how it feels...

Its now a full week since I hung up my crown...

Living as the Bagel queen was wonderful....

But as my life started to role here, I once again spread myself to thin....

And when that happens the new girl in me assesses the situation and grabs what is best from her life and moves forward....

When my friend Tony brought some opportunities into my world involving racing I knew I found where I needed to be...

As the Co- Race Director for Blackfoot for the past several years, running is my passion...

I’m slow... I’m not athletically built...

But that doesn’t keep me from throwing myself into creating an amazing experience for everyone who runs my races...

As these opportunities materialized I knew I had to cut something loose, and the 5:30 am start time with the Bagel Queen was it.

It was sad to let it go...

And 100% Scary....

I am once again trying to figure out financial security...

Do I look for stable work, in addition to what I’m doing??

Or do I try to grow this area in my life?

When I moved to the Mountains it was to leave the work till you die life behind me...

But I’m so wired for that I panic when I don’t have it...

How do you work yourself to the point of exhaustion?

Catching the disease of stress, and when you break free... keep searching for it?

I have come to accept that I am an addict.

I am addicted to stress.

And as much as it was destroying me, just like an alcoholic, I am falling apart without it...

It was my comfort, my purpose, and my demon....

I dream about it at night...

It calls my name...

I struggle during the day to hold it back....

To keep it from sinking its claws into my flesh....

I have once again found my calling...

A place in my life that I excel...

Working with people, customer service/sales/running....

Can you combine that into a life?

I don’t know....

But I’m sure as hell going to  try!

My Life as a Mountain Bum- Log 5 - Long Live the Bagel Queen

My life as a Mountain Bum’.

Long Live the Bagel Queen

January 13 2016—Log5

It’s Tuesday Jan 19. I’ve officially lived full time in Canmore for just under 1 month.

A Dream Realized....

Two Days Ago I emerged as the self proclaimed Bagel Queen, a fun job to supplement my income and, if we were being honest, keep me busy. After 2 weeks working a little over part time for the “girls” I was antsy, and I needed to make a little more so I could enjoy my life as a mountain bum...

Today, a conversation with one of my co-workers really brought a new perspective on my new life. You see in the past, as I mentioned in my previous blog, I was all about the title, looking and feeling like I was important.... somebody.

As my co-worker and I were joking about past lives, I said the old me would probably disown the new me.

For so long I looked at people in jobs like the one I am in now, and thought “how could they not want more for their life??” the lack of ambition or desire to evolve almost repulsed me at times. I just could not understand how people could settle.

Yet, isn’t that what I was doing?? Settling into a job I’m way over qualified and probably too smart for?

As I really considered my role, and how it was completing me, I took time to really observe my co-workers. The immigrants working on visa’s so they can experience the Mountains, and Canmore. The Manager who has a lovely Irish lilt, my wee friend “Fish” who brings light to every ones faces with her thick accented greeting... to see her in action is to see her turn even the surliest of faces into a smile with her simple “Hello, can I help you”.  The owner, who sparkles in his own right... reminding me of Chris Cringle form the long ago Christmas animated movies... who took a look at my over priced resume and still took a chance at giving me a non-overpriced job. Lastly, the Geologist who is living out of his camper truck, with his dog and his dreams, A man like myself, only a wee bit younger, who realized that his best life wasn’t chasing rocks in Alaska, the man who started this whole internal debate. The Man who really seems to understand that life lived at it’s simplest is the best life lived.

So what did I learn by observing and reflecting? From looking inward, instead of looking at what peoples perception of the outward was?

I guess, for me, I learned that these people have real joy. Something I have been looking for in my titles and “power positions”. The understand simplicity, and how to thrive within it.

It was as a Realtor in my office said after my first day as the Bagel Queen... “who cares what you do, you get to live here!” And He was right, that is what matters at the heart of it all. I have found the secret to accepting simplicity, and thriving. I realize it doesn’t matter what my title is, Manager, General Manager, Owner, or Bagel Queen. I am living my best life in this moment and I am going to embrace it, and be proud of it. It doesn’t matter to me what my “friends” think of my lack of title or prestige.

Who knows what the future holds, the only thing I know 100% is that I have more to learn from these amazing people, and until I have taken it all in, I’m not going to let them go.

Besides, I am certain, there will be many Bagel Queen stories to share. “The Adventures of the Bagel queen and her friend “Fish”.”

Yes, Long live the Bagel Queen!!