Life... simply....living...

life....
Sometimes things get put into perspective in the most unusual of way's....
and sometimes...
it takes something a little more....
I've always thought  I was one of the few that God would have to smack upside the head with a cast iron pan before I actually realized he was talking to me.
Ok.... I'm listening....
I have been so focused recently on my career, building it, creating value in my profession, with my client's with my team...
Supporting myself...
believing in my self...
so much so that I lost focus of what is so important...
life....
in it's simplest form....
Today I learned the world lost 2 great men...
both were an inspiration...
both lived....
despite struggles....
Both beamed with a radiance that so few attain...
Today I missed my sisters 40th surprise birthday....
My best friend arriving in Canmore...
both event's I should have been at....
and although I would not trade today....
I am left wondering....
what happened to the girl...
who so few years ago...
spent every week in Canmore...
running the trail's...
with a new sense of freedom...
Who vowed that nothing would ever control her again....
The girl who balanced an amazing career...
with life....
simply living....

..."I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived..."
Henry David Thoreau

I'll dream of Chicago....

Tonight is one of those night's...

Where my memories are able to carry me to another place...

I can taste the air...

Feel the heaviness of the humidity....

In the middle of the night last night I awoke....

My cold had gotten the better of me and sleep was a distant memory....

I settled down at my laptop with a hot cup of tea for a long night....

And there it was...

Staring me in the face...

A post from an old friend... a memory.... a farewell....

And my heart was still....

For in that moment I was transported....

To a "family" from another land...

the Longing to hold them and love them....

a country I called my own...

A town that holds my heart....

And as the day went on... 

My heart was there....

Running the trails I had discovered on my most recent visit...

feeling the dampness of the humidity on my skin...

Sensing the lush green around me...

Tonight... I'll dream of Chicago....

and I'll dream of a life I left behind...

And I will know...

For me...

It will always be a place I call home...

Permission Granted....

I am a creature of habit....
You mess with my schedule and I just cannot function properly...
I rise just before the sun starts to creep past the horizon....
I love the feeling of running in the pre-dawn hour..... watching the world wake up...
I love seeing the early morning fog as it hangs lazily over the river valley floor...
The sound of the birds stating to wake....
The sound of my breath in my ear's.. the sharp, crisp feeling of that early morning run....
the strength in each muscle as they are waking up.... The feeling of being so alive, and at one with myself...

I love to come home and have that first dark, strong cup of coffee... the rich aroma filling my senses...
The feeling of those first few glorious sips... before I turn to my laptop to start my day...
I Love my little morning mix of music....
Bobby McFerrin and Bob Marley... telling me don't worry about a thing... Just be Happy....

Today as I groggily woke up fighting the alarm, For the 4th time this week, I hazily fought my internal monologue berating myself for sleeping in... for lacking in energy...
For not running YET again....
As I walked the girls.....
I was amazed by a single revelation....
I was up... watching the sun as it slowly crept over the horizon....
The world was waking up....
90 minutes later than my schedule was used to.....

It was in that moment that I gave myself permission....
Permission to sleep in a little later....
Permission to run a little later...
Permission to stay up a little later....
Permission to start my work day later than my "routine" tells me to....

You see, If the government can change my morning routine, without my permission,
the least I could do is set my self free of the guilt I have felt by not being able to maintain my routine...
And give myself  permission to let my body and mind adjust to this ridiculous plan called a time change....

Because I know in another month the sun will be getting up earlier... and I'll be back on track....
I also know that in a few months the Sun will leave us with that amazing twilight state until the pre-dawn light..... and I'll be running for hours through the night....

So I'm looking forward.... Forward to those late night runs... the wee small hours of the morning where the world smells like fresh dewy grass....
Yes I'm looking forward... and realizing... that if I take some extra "recovery time" that is ok... for now.... because the day's are getting longer... and soon... very soon.... I'll be sleeping very little....

Fear Itself....

Do you ever have one of those moments where you just want to scream... WHAT ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF???
I'm there... I've been there for a long time....
Although I seem to be pretty good at ignoring my fear and just merely existing.

To be honest,
I'm not 100% certain what it is exactly I am so afraid of....
I have many fears, all lined up... creating one big ball of Lisa mess....
Not just one... but several....
Yes...
I can admit it....
I hold my self back because I have a fear of success....
I also have a fear of failure...
I have let myself morph into a frumpy, chubby person because I have a fear of falling in love...
I also have a fear of being hurt, along with a fear of being manipulated, lied to, and worst of all....
having my trust broken...
I am fearful of being a friend... for those exact reasons....
I am afraid that if I let someone too close they may not really like me, they may laugh.... they may hurt me....

I have a fear of making a bad decision.... so I therefore cannot seem to make a decision...
I have a fear of hurting someone... but.... because I'm so good at not being a friend... I continually seem to hurt someone....

But my biggest fear of all...
Is letting go of these fears....

Allowing myself to excel in my career,
Allowing myself to be a good friend...
To fall in love...
to lose this weight that makes it so easy to hide behind...

Yes I have a fear... of letting go of fear....
Yet... I have to face that fear....So tomorrow...
I will once again lace up.... and I will resume this journey I seem to have stalled....
This journey of self discovery, of self betterment....
Of self fulfillment....

I will lace up.... and I will charge forward....
I may not be able to release the fear's... but slowly.... one day at a time...
I will start climbing some of those mountains that are holding me back from being better than I am today.....
Because at the root of it all....
I have a fear of never being better than I am in this moment...
Of never losing the weight...
Being alone...
Being a failure...
And most of all....
Letting my fears win.

I need a Hero....

It was sitting there in my inbox this morning...
An email I noticed last night but didn't bother opening...
Recently some "event's" had brought me a little down....
blurred my focus...
deflated my momentum...
I had hit what I like to call the "skid's"....
 I had no desire to run...
To work out...
To call clients...
To encourage and motivate myself...
I was allowing the negative energy of the past week to affect my vision and weaken my resolve....

And I was blissfully un-aware of my situation....
I thought I was just "tired"....
Maybe my last 1/2 marathon took my energy and I just had not re-charged since...
Yea.. that was it...
Lack of re-charge... must add beer!

It was a simple email..
a notice from my Hero... (one of the many)...
An upcoming seminar that I knew I must attend...
at 5:30 am the wheels started turning....
I HAVE to get there...
Not just for the seminar... but because in Denver are my Hero's...
Jimmy D, Larry Kendall, Rich Sands, Garrrett Frey....
Men I admire....
Not just because they are successful and kind...
But because they Run....
They Cycle...
They breath the amazing mountain air...
And they understand that little drive inside that says...
come.. embrace this world around you...

This prompted two things....
A string of emails to a couple of the above mentioned "Hero's"...
Building a Huge excitement for the adventure ahead....

And a moment, to myself where I really considered...
who are my Hero's....

I am surrounded daily by people who motivate me, challenge me, inspire me....
My parent's, My Realtor's.... My friends....
There are so many to list...
But it was in that moment that I realized...
That you don't have to look far for someone to inspire you....

Sometimes, you just have to look across the hall....
I'm a lucky girl...
I have found people all over the world through my running to inspire, light the fire, and challenge me.... but the greatest discovery of all... is held in a little house, on Stony Plain Road... in Edmonton Alberta....

And now,
Each morning I can wake up...
And remind myself....
Today...
I get to be surrounded by a house full of my Hero's...

I've heard it said that the best revenge is a good life...

I'm not sure why I'd be looking for revenge....

but IF I were, I think I'd have it....

at least in my own vision....

I have a good life....

I recently had a conversation with a friend about "regular" life...
9-5 hours, set pay, and vacation time...
as I continued to consider this through out the evening, how it would change my life
I realized exactly just how blessed I am to do what I do....

I am the one who can determine my own destiny,
The ceiling on my earnings,
The day's I put in my 100% effort are rewarded...
The day's I choose to settle for less are just that... less....
I can pick a time and date... and plan a vacation... and have the ability to increase my bank account to accommodate these plans...

I can run free, through the trails of Canmore on a whim....
I can sit at my computer at 5 in the morning, and work... with a cup of coffee... two little doggies cuddled next to me... and my favorite jammie pants on...

I wake up every morning... un-employed...knowing that I am going to be spending the rest of my day working with a team of people who continually inspire me to push myself further... in business and in my personal life...
I know each day I awake that I'll face some amazing moments of stress, laughter, more stress.... and pure joy....

Sure there are things I would change...
I think everyone would...
but as I continue on my quest for life balance...
total well being....
and world domination (ha ha)...
I watch my life evolve, daily... sometimes by the minute...
I continue to learn,
To grow...
To seek....

and I know, that todays' life is going to be no where near as amazing as tomorrow's...