My life as a Mountain Bum Log 4 -- Learning to sparkle

My life as a Mountain Bum.

January 13 2016—Log 4

Its Wednesday Night in Lisaland... After a week of getting settled, a week of playing around in real estate, trying to find my groove I started to feel anxious.

I love working for the girls, I love trying to build a structure to make them shine. I love feeling a part of all that, but, I wasn’t sure where I was in the whole game plan. Until today....

This week I faced the disappointment of not hearing back from a job I thought I had. A good job, paying decent money, with benefits, that would have tied me down to a life I wasn’t sure I wanted. The more I thought about it that more it didn’t sit well, but the rejection, or lack of rejection, still broke me.

The reality is, for so many years I have put an emphasis on being something, being in demand, being “important”. I’ve felt that I’ve needed to live that life, to live up to expectations of myself, and what I thought others expected of me.

I spent that past few years pouring myself into a career that I enjoyed, Loving a group of amazing men who I watched work as many or more hours than I did, chasing something they may never reach.

I felt their heartaches, the family struggles, the illness and injuries, the heart attack that almost took one of my dearest men.

I woke up at 4am to rush to accidents and unfit jobsites, 2:30am for safety meetings, I hugged my men, I cried for my men, and I laughed with my men often. I cannot help but think I made a difference in their lives, but more than that they made a difference in mine.

So why was I struggling to accept the path I was taking to make a difference in my own life. Did I not deserve this opportunity???

Yesterday was a defeating day as I hit the pavement looking for a job to supplement my main focus working with Clare and Mary-Anne in support and marketing. I found myself confronting my pride, and really having to humble myself.  I considered running home, to Edmonton, to my parent’s basement and hiding there.... I felt shame.

After a terrible sleep, I woke up and read a post from a friend on Facebook... It was a photo that said “today’s plan: 1. Drink Coffee 2. Ignore negativity 3. Be Awesome” and I decide that was exactly what I was going to do.

I got up, walked the girls, got ready, went to the office and started working on Real Estate Files, booking showings for Clare, and just enjoying being around amazing people. Around noon I decided to break for a coffee, foregoing my typical stop at Good Earth I walked down 2 blocks to my favorite bagel place, enjoying the gorgeous warm winter day. I had a purpose in this walk, outside the gluten free apricot cookie I was going to cheat on my diet with, the store next to the bagel company had recently been advertising an opening, so I figured it was worth a shot. I overshot the bagel co to peak at the entrance to the Pilates clothing store, not seeing the help wanted sign I decide it I would splurge on a cookie and a latte and console my mood.

As I reached to open the door to the bagel co. I noticed the sign, Energetic, fun loving, awesome people needed (ok, it didn’t exactly say that but that is what it said to me). I decide at that moment, if there was no line, I would ask about the job.... So I walked in fully expecting a line 6-8 deep as normal, yet there I was, the only one... so I took my chance... and I met the most amazing people, an owner with more sparkle than I have... and I took a job that is not going to add to my title. It doesn’t put me in a power suit... in fact, it puts me in an apron...yet, I’ve never felt so alive in my life.

I get to live a life I dreamed, in the community I love... I get to support two amazing women who took a chance on me, not questions asked.... two women who have faith in me... and have helped me find my faith in myself. I get to work as the Bagel queen at a favorite spot shared by Al and myself....

And, instead of feeling embarrassed about taking a job below my past, I have found nothing but support and encouragement from the people in my life.

It’s not about the power suit, nor about having a title, or letters behind my name.... its’ about living, laughing, and being free.... For the first time in so long I feel I am exactly where I need to be!