Am I ready? MLAAMB Log 7

My life as a Mountain Bum

Am I ready?

March 7 2016—Log 7

Its 12:49 on a Monday....

I spent the morning doing work stuff, race stuff, and personal stuff...

Including hacking at my dogs unruly hair....

Both girls are sleeping peacefully despite the 80’s feathered look they are sporting...

My window is open.... Letting in the spring like mountain air...

Lady Mac and Squaw look beautiful in the sunlight out my window...

A view to live for....

That is what it is...

Yet inside, I feel like crawling into my room... pulling the covers over my head....

And just hiding....

My life changed this weekend....

And instead of having work to bury myself in, I am forced to face the reality of that change.

I have come to realize this weekend, just how easy it was to numb myself to feelings when I was on call 24/7....

When I had so many people relying on me....

Now...

With me...

And my girls....

Alone in my condo....

I realize...

I spent to many years chasing a dream...

A life....

That didn’t exist....

We get one chance at this life...

One chance to love...

One chance to live...

Once chance to leave a legacy....

Life goes on...

Can I figure out how to move with it???

Can I learn to leave my past self behind...

And accept the life that is in my future....

Can I give what I’m supposed to give...

Laugh without restriction...

Love without boundaries,

Be a person of value...

And friendship....

I think so...

I had great examples before me....

I will follow them...

I will move forward...

Step by step....

Look out world...

I’m coming....

And we al thought this mountain move was going to be easy ;)

My Life as a Mountain Bum Log 6

My life as a Mountain Bum’.

Out Running the disease

March 4 2016—Log 6

And then came the run....

Or at least that is how it feels...

Its now a full week since I hung up my crown...

Living as the Bagel queen was wonderful....

But as my life started to role here, I once again spread myself to thin....

And when that happens the new girl in me assesses the situation and grabs what is best from her life and moves forward....

When my friend Tony brought some opportunities into my world involving racing I knew I found where I needed to be...

As the Co- Race Director for Blackfoot for the past several years, running is my passion...

I’m slow... I’m not athletically built...

But that doesn’t keep me from throwing myself into creating an amazing experience for everyone who runs my races...

As these opportunities materialized I knew I had to cut something loose, and the 5:30 am start time with the Bagel Queen was it.

It was sad to let it go...

And 100% Scary....

I am once again trying to figure out financial security...

Do I look for stable work, in addition to what I’m doing??

Or do I try to grow this area in my life?

When I moved to the Mountains it was to leave the work till you die life behind me...

But I’m so wired for that I panic when I don’t have it...

How do you work yourself to the point of exhaustion?

Catching the disease of stress, and when you break free... keep searching for it?

I have come to accept that I am an addict.

I am addicted to stress.

And as much as it was destroying me, just like an alcoholic, I am falling apart without it...

It was my comfort, my purpose, and my demon....

I dream about it at night...

It calls my name...

I struggle during the day to hold it back....

To keep it from sinking its claws into my flesh....

I have once again found my calling...

A place in my life that I excel...

Working with people, customer service/sales/running....

Can you combine that into a life?

I don’t know....

But I’m sure as hell going to  try!