When did I stop shaving my leg's....

I am my own biggest advocate of my singleness....
I am one of those people who has embraced the upside of single-hood....
And made it look almost appealing to many....
Sure there are downsides....
I get lonely... I'm human after all....
Sometimes I long to wake up and be smiled at by someone who didn't eat their poop for an after dinner treat...
And often I long for that strong pair of arms to wrap around me at the end of a really long day.... someone to hold me up when I'm falling down....
Someone to laugh at... and with.....
That one person to tell my everything to....
With that said.... it is in those moments I can easily remind myself....
I am strong enough to hold myself...
I am self sufficient....
I don't wake myself with my own snoring.... (Why bother when Jade does that with her schnauzer snoring)....
If I go to bed with my make up on, with out brushing my teeth.... or in a post run funk because I'm too tired to shower it doesn't matter....
If I decide supper is raw veggies and a glass of wine no one complains....
I can sing in my house.... and dance in the morning with the dog's....
And my favorite... if I decide I want to just pack up and run away for a day I have no one to clear it with.... I just go....
 Yet, in all this "amazingness".... I have become complacent.
 Somewhere along the way, it got to be too easy to not shave my leg's....
To just toss on my running gear and hang out because it was comfortable and took less effort....
I just let myself go...
Without realizing it....
I mean seriously... are the dog's going to complain about my hairy leg's or tell me I have a panty line?

Recently someone challenged me to start shaving my legs again (I have blonde leg hair.... seriously I should only have to do this once a week...).  I actually was shocked by this at first... then embarrassed.... then I realized... Maybe this is for my own good....
So I went out and bought a body polish... My favorite lotions.... my favorite perfume lotion....
and razor blades....
And thus began my "daily shaving experiment".
This was 10 day's ago....
at first I just felt stupid.... Like I was trying to attract something.... or someone....
that I was trying too hard.... Then I realized... I missed the way my skin felt after being polished and moisturized.... That the sheen of my favorite lotion made me feel beautiful....
I kept this up for 10 days (and counting).....
And other thoughts started forming....
It's time for a pedi-cure... something I had not done for months.... I used to go every other week without fail....
Time for some new lip gloss....
Highlights....
And yesterday.... I realized it had been two years since I really bought myself some fresh... feminine... and some what sexy attire.....
I tossed aside my frumpy work clothes for a new wardrobe of beautiful skirt's... linen short's... fun sleeveless tops and cute blazers....
Today I noticed.... I'm standing straighter.... I'm smiling more....
I smell amazing... and my skin is so soft.....
For the first time in years I feel beautiful.....
and it's for nothing more than just me... wanting to feel beautiful....

Yes, I still don't have those arms to support me....
The person to smile at in the morning....
someone to laugh at my retarded morning dancing....
and after wrestling with a bracelet I've realized a whole new challenge to being single.....
But I have also come to realize that you don't need a relationship to take time to invest in yourself....
If you are going to feel beautiful and proud you should do it for no other reason than to feel beautiful and proud for yourself....
Go out and buy a matching lingerie set....
put some light sparkles on your exposed skin so you glow...
Shave your leg's....
you deserve to feel this good...
Heck... I even used my body scrub pre-run this morning.... and put on mascara to chase the mosquito's with while I did a loop on the trail....
You never know when you might sprain an ankle and be rescued by  some calendar worthy EMS man...
All because 10 days ago someone challenged me to shave my leg's.....
Where ever you are.... Thank you.... you have given me a precious gift...
My self respect....
I didn't even know it was missing!

Do these grass stains make my ass look fat?

It's one of those phrases that should be in every runners vocabulary...
or at least every female runners....
At the very least it should be a staple in mine...
Along side the cycling "do these shorts make my ass look padded"....
Or the "do these compression sleeves make my calves look sleek"...
or my most recent fav "these socks make my feet look fat"...

It's that one phrase that I have often turned to in moment's of Lisaness (Yes that's a word).
Those utterly ridiculous moments where I find myself flat on my ass... for no good reason at all....

Today was just one of those day's....
My promise to myself upon my return from the far north was to get out more...
Meet people,
Make friends...
Train with people...
In my last week prior to returning home I made a line up of items to do daily with people in order to hold me to this promise....
Today was stairs day.... dun dun daaahhhnnn...
Probably the day I least looked forward too (unless you consider Thursday which I have nothing scheduled and is looking a little lonely)...
I mean who run's stairs...
for Fun?!?!
Connie and Debbie... that's who!!!
I was really looking forward to seeing both Connie and Debbie, so I knew I would make this date...
I set my alarm with mild enthusiasm and embraced sleep....
Only to turn my morning alarm off, and return to bed.... (YES this is the SECOND day in a row I have done this!)
 When I finally resurfaced I treated myself to my newest running skirt... a frilly white number... with a tiny tank... I actually thought I looked cute... I laced up my favorite minimus racing flats (foreshadowing here!!).... and hit the road...
 It's been a long time since I've done the Glenora stairs... so long I forgot just how much I enjoyed running the single track next to the stairs over actually doing the stairs.... It didn't take me long to switch the stairs for the trail... and it was then I first noticed my mistake of the day.... racing flats on trail.... It was a little slick going up... but nothing a hard core, trail chickie couldn't handle... I mean seriously... there were hot guys running those stairs...I am single.... I WAS going to make this look awesome!!
Up and down I went a few times... alternating the little paths.... the dirt ones.. the grassy ones... oh wait... there is a new-ish looking one....
I started down this new path... with soft dewy grass cushioning my every foot fall....
And that is when it happened....
I made the connection.. the two paths merging.. the groove to get to the second path... in my mind it was the size of the grand canyon... covered with soft... fresh... dew covered grass....
And my foot went out from under me.... BAM...
Flat on my right glut.... I felt the pain in my neck and knew instantly... Dr. Dan is going laugh at me....(after telling me I was "special" he actually did have a good chuckle...)
Quickly I jumped up.... brushing the dirt from my bottom... making sure the hot guys didn't notice....
And told myself...
If your not falling your not training (another Lisa motto).....
Suck it up princess... let's RUN!

 Several hours, 1/2 a bottle of Advil.. a glass or 2 of wine... a sprained neck.... and and ice pack later I have come to understand....
My little white running skirt could never make my ass look fat....
It's adorable....
And I will continue to enjoy every dang fall....
But from here on in I'll take one of my married man friends advice....
I will lay on that trail and wait... I will wait until those hot men running those stairs come to rub my grass stained ass and kiss my boo boo's better....

I guess it's true.... if you can't really laugh at your self in all your ridiculousness.... then you are never going to understand that life is funny....

Moving on

Awkward...
There is no other word to describe it....
I've been gone almost 7 week's...
And I no longer feel at home in my home....

Working is easy... laughing with my team...
Getting back into a rhythm...
Being excited about my newest condo project, and my clients...
Knowing that if I step into the office a warm face will great me....
Running and cycling with friends...
Laughing... connecting....
it's all so easy....

Yet....
I'm not at home... when I'm home....

I don't know what to do with myself....
I am restless....
Longing for a mountain bike ride, or a run on some trails far away....

Last night I ran at my new house for the first time...
Just me....
A lonely country road and a sunset....
It was healing...

Its time to move on to this next chapter...
To move from one place to the next...
This precious gift to myself...
That was found because it was found....
not because I needed it...
Not because I had to leave past memories behind...
but because I deserve this new life....

Because I'm no longer broken....
And for once... I know that is true....
I am whole.... I am strong, confident, secure...
I am going to make it....
on my own....
There is no greater gift.

nothing but a memory.....

There is something about waking up in this place
The smell of the tree's all around you,
The soft earthy smell of fresh mulch....
The sound of the bird's...
The feeling of warm sunshine on your face....
 The crisp feeling of the crack of dawn when you lace up for that first walk of the morning.
The desire to just hit the trails and run... to go on that next adventure... where ever it may lead...

Today is my last day...
and although I don't have time to take that full adventure...
I'm gong to make sure that I get out on those trails for one last run....

It's funny how a place can impact you...
make a little home in a far corner of your heart....
So somewhere....
Someday down the road....
You will be reminded...
Of a morning...
A moment in time...
Where you felt alive....
And free....
You will smell the tree's...
And feel the sunshine....
And you will once again be restored.

30 days and two heart aches ago....

Day 30 in the mac....
It's been a long time since I've had the desire to blog... the notion to share something about myself...
Maybe because I was lost....
Maybe because the idea of sharing my own thoughts was scaring me...
Maybe because the thoughts were no longer my own....

I came to Fort Mac just to sell a project...
To get away for a few weeks and re-ignite my passion for my career...
My waning career...
Thoughts of self doubt had crept in...
I had lost my passion for what I did...
My love for my clients...
My desire to serve...
And more than that...
My passion for myself...
I let myself go....

Looking back it was a long time in the making...
I can tell you the last time I wore my favorite perfume...
felt beautiful...
Carefree....
Strong....
Independent...
Laughed with real joy... until my sides hurt and my eyes teared... 
I can tell you the day it stopped....
Where I was..
What I was doing....
And I can tell you the moment I buried myself in my work...
My escape from reality...

I came to Fort Mac to save a project from losing a contract...
I did not come to find myself again...
To learn to laugh at myself gain...
To find the trails and feel free...
I came to sell.
Like a robot...
To refill my depleting bank account...
I came to escape my office...
the pressures of life...
and to prove to myself I could sell again....

What I found in this town shocked me...
even now...
I find I am amazed at the transformation in my heart in the past 30 day's...

My passion is alive... but it's focus has shifted.
I love what I do...
But more than that...
I have come to find that I love me...
I love who I am...
the quirks that make me... me...
I love my life... of running, riding and laughing....
I had forgotten just how good it was to laugh....
even if it were at myself late at night....
The idea that I can find joy...
In just being who I am...

I'm ready to shed this darkness I've surrounded myself with...
To shine again....
because that is where I belong...

Yes... Fort Mac... I will miss your hill's...
Your trails...
My adventures....
But I am leaving with a precious gift...
And I promise never to lose sight....