Sleep.... it does a body good....

I had an epiphany this morning...
After over sleeping by 2 hours....
Recently I really stepped up my training.
which has been amazing....
To feel that complete burn...
the over the top Jello effect after and intense spin class...
The complete fatigue after a hard circuit...
Pushing myself to new/old extremes....
Yet....
Once again my diet fell apart....
And the scale started changing in the wrong direction....
At first I told myself it had to be some muscle mass...
(After 2 weeks... probably not).
The Reality is...
I am tired....
My body is adjusting....
And without realizing what my body needed...
I would eat....
Instead of taking a quick 20 min nap I'd give my body something new and improved to fuel on....
A protein bar that's quick and loaded with sugar I've cut out....
A rice cake with a giant glob of PB because I'm starving....
And most recently... Rice.....
A giant bowl of rice....
I have not eaten white rice (minus sushi) in over a year.....
The dangers of simple carb junk foods.....
Imagine the shock I got stepping on the scale this morning.....
So as I stand here this morning....
Drinking my lemon water...
I've dusted off my old program...
And I'm excited to say I'm meeting a fantastic friend to help me stream line to fit my running/training
demands.....
My clean meals are stocked in the fridge....
Full of beautiful berries... fresh green's....
And proteins....
No empty carbs in there....
Intense training programs are great....
As long as you take the time to understand your body....
It's not going to be able to jump back in like old times...
Not when you've spent the past 2.5 Years focused on work and not training the machine you have.....

There will be adjustments....
Crabby moment's....
Exhaustion....
Elation....
And in the end success.....
I'm already seeing it in my well toned leg's....
The rest will follow.....
As in the word's Of Frankie.... " The Best is yet to come"

Champagne......

I have this bottle of champagne sitting on my counter...
and amazing bottle... of crisp.....
golden...
real champagne...waiting to be enjoyed.....
and every day...It taunts me...
You see...
This bottle...
Does not belong to me...
It was a gift to a friend...
Someone who took me in when I was at my most vulnerable...
Who made me laugh when I felt most alone...
And who offered me friendship...In the way that so few can....
Someone who came to understand me...
because in a moment of weakness...
I allowed it....
And as this bottle has made it's way from Canmore to Jasper to Canmore back to Edmonton....
It has yet to be celebrated....
And it now sits on my counter waiting to be returned to it's rightful owner...
I can imagine how it should be enjoyed...
Sitting on a deck...
In the crisp mountain air surrounding it....
It should see the stars...
And feel the magic of the the fall....
It should hear the sounds of the soft love from a guitar...
and smell the scent of a late fall fire....
And it will understand as I do...
just what true friendship means....
Champagne knows no boundaries...
It is not limited by the  "idea's" of love or  romance...
Rather it understands...
It is here to celebrate life...
True friendship....
And the bond that comes..
only when one can find another soul that they can trust....
So as I dream about shipping this gift back to it's rightful owner...
I dream about it finding a way to say...
Thank you........
Thank you for being a friend....
For allowing me the opportunity to let myself show weakness...
And for challenging me to be a better me...
And for understanding....
That this gift... comes not only out of love.... as only I can give...
But gratitude....
For showing me it's ok...
to show someone I too can be real....
And when I finally get his back to you...
I pray you raise a glass...
On a clear night...
Under a sky full of stars....
And you feel the joy that only real Champagne can give....
because at least once in a life time...
Everyone should understand what it's like to indulge for no reason...
other than to celebrate life and friendship...

Glass slippers....and childhood dreams....

I used to believe when I was a little girl,
That some day I would meet the most amazing man...
And we would fall deeply in love...
And I would be happy for the rest of my life....
At 36 years of age...
I can honestly say....
I have loved....
Deeply...
Passionately....
And without regret.....
And in this moment I am learning...
That happiness is only what I make it....
I have failed miserably at relationships....
And learned that Cinderella doesn't always get the glass slipper....
but I've also come to a deeper understanding of who I am through it all.....
every tear...
every heart ache....
every joy...every memory....
Life has shaped me into an amazing being...
A fabulous mystery...
Of silliness...
And passion...
And a well of deep love for those who I choose to bring close....
In this moment I have learned to be still...
to listen to the sound of the breeze rustling the tree's...
to hear the quiet voice on the side of a mountain...
Bringing me peace...
And strength.....
I have learned to savour every breath....
To celebrate just being alive....

I have learned to value, cherish and respect myself....
And I have learned that a person who doesn't value, cherish and respect me in the same way is not a true friend.....

Yes... I get lonely....
There are times I long for a set of arms to hold me close at night....
A warm kiss...
a tender touch....
The one person to share this crazy adventure with....
Someone to tell my secrets...
And laugh at my jokes....
a smile at the finish line....
Yet I have come to realize....
That without that...
I'm ok....

I used to believe as a little girl...
That one day I would fall in love....
And I would be happy for the rest of my life....
In all my dreams...
I never expected....
The person I'd fall in love with would be me....

Reaching my dead end....

Today I finally decided would be the day....
I moved into my new house in June... Technically I got possession on May 28, and moved in a month later because I was working out of town....
But the reality is....
I had been spying on this property for months prior to even purchasing it...
I knew the curve of the road....
The moment the ponds flooded after our "monsoon" season.....
I had memorized the colour of the tile...
The dark chocolate wood flooring....
I could close my eyes at any given moment and see the view of the farmers fields behind my house....
Yet...
With all those sights... all those intricacies I had come to know....
There was one thing I had yet to explore....
One treasure I had saved for a day when I could devote enough time... and energy to giving it the attention it so deserved.....
You see....
2.33 Miles from my front door is a trail head....
Everyday....
Several times a day I pass this trail head....
Dreaming of where it might lead....
The adventures it would take me on....
The passion that we would share...
The stories we would build....
Just me...
And my mystery trail.....
And Today....
Today I decided would be the day....
With my afternoon clear of any obligations...
The sun shining and a warmth to the fall air I laced up....
I dug out the running leashes.....
And the girls and I hit the road.....
Walking the 2.33 Miles to my trail head...
I had planned to be out no longer than 4 hours...
Thinking we could stop along the way and just enjoy the beautiful fall weather....
I had decided against bringing the "dog-pack" (a back pack that I carry my older dog in when she gets tired)....
so I knew this would be one of those long walks... where Chelsea would stop to sniff the flowers that bloomed... or rather were wilting.... while Jade would impatiently be straining at her leash....
How a person could manage to have 2 dog's that are such opposites is beyond me... but that is a whole other blog!!
SO off we went....
It took 50 minutes and a few belly rubs to get Chelsea to the trail head....
Interestingly.... the moment Chelsea's paws leave the pavement and hit the trail she becomes a new dog... she finds her spunk and is raring to go....
I feel the same way... there is something about the feel....
The smell...
The sound of a trail that brings me to life...
And this trail was no different....
In fact....
Maybe it was even more exciting...
I had saved this moment for a day when I really wanted to celebrate being alive....
And I was looking forward to the endless possibilities as to where this new trail would lead.....
And then it happened....
It stopped....
Just....
Stopped...
Down a very short hill
2.33 miles from my door....
the trail stops....
It leads no where....
I guess the reality is...
Often I get excited about where a new adventure...
A new friendship...
Where a new lease on life might lead....
And just as often as not...
I find I'm at a dead end....
sometimes miles from my home...
Or months from where I first started....
Yet....
Life goes on....
I re-route....
Or in some amazing cases...I blaze my own trail....
and create a whole new adventure....

Yes.... 2.33 miles from my front door....
There is a trail head....
And I know....
Even though it has it's own dead end...
One of these day's.... that trail and I are going to have an amazing adventure....
And I will find a way to make that trail my best friend....
But until then...
I will run every morning to that trail head....
Just to say hello...
to tell it I'm still here...
And we will still be friends....
Even if it didn't turn out to be the trail of my dreams.....
And then I will take the long way home so I can finish a solid 5 miles for the day....

Because as they say "5 miles a day... will keep the trail runners DNF away"....
(ok I made that up.... but it sounded good at the time).

Who you want to be.....

It's one of those moments where you realize you don't really know it all...
I have many of these moments... I mean let's face it...
When it really comes down to things...
I don't know nearly as much about anything I claim to....
It's just reality.....
I'm book smart... I can read...
I learn...
I retain...
I'm a fount of useless knowledge....
Just ask anyone who has had the pleasure of me en-lightening them on one of my various useless topics....
But...
When it comes to life....
Well....
I am lost....
There is no manual on how to screw up a friendship....
But after 36 years of experience.. I am certain I can probably write a new volumes....
along with....
How not to  bring up what you feel is lacking in your relationships...
And my personal favorite...
don't read too much into it... because there is nothing more there to read....
And don't forget the timeless classic...
You are the master of your own rejection....
Yet....
After all these years...
and countless journal entries I'm still treading water....
The one thing I've come to understand is this...
When it comes to life....
No matter what I'm trying to figure out...
There is only one solution for this girl....
And it is sitting patiently at the front door....
In neon green.....
Waiting for that morning embrace.....
Where we lace up and hit the road... to see where that new trial might lead us....
Yes...
It's been too long....
Too much change has happened in my life...
And now....
I am ready to go back to learning...
Loving...
And dealing with life the only way I know how....
tomorrow I will lace up...
Not to be a faster... better runner....
But to be that girl...
The one who I know I can be....
The person...
Friend...
And lover...
I desire most to be....
 And at the end of my run....
I will know that that greatest thing I will have accomplished for the day is once again finding my center....
The gift that comes from knowing...
there is nothing more freeing then a country road...
The sound of wet gravel...
and the morning moon light....