The unplanned

It's one of those moments where I have come to realize that sometimes nothing is so much better than anything...
After 3 weeks of countless resumes....
Long Work outs....
Clean eating....
Followed by even more long work outs....
And the very slight...
Very short attempt at one "dating" web-site....
I hit the blues....
Maybe it was the realization that when I was working full time and beyond, and single...
It didn't matter... because I was single with a career, and that was "acceptable".
In fact...
I was single and carrying the extra few pounds (ok totally chubby... but who's counting)....
but it didn't matter...
Because I was perceived to be at the top of my game...
To have it all...
A great career...
A fun life....
And a gaggle of friends....
And I was the one who was selling the show....
Never able to admit that I was desperately alone....
Miserably out of shape and totally unable to find the time to get back to training...
And why??
Because I was too scared I'd miss a deal...
Let a client down...
Make a mistake and crush someones dream's....
Long nights in bed with my laptop....
Neither of us getting much sleep....
And the realization that I was not getting any younger got me off the roller-coaster....
But to what result....
Lost friendship's...
20 extra pounds....
The frustration of "being in the job market"....
And the most recent discovery.....
Single with out a dynamic career is not as "acceptable" as single with a career...
But from whom do I need acceptance???
If I were really honest about this the correct response would be no one...
The friends lost in the transition maybe were the friends addicted to the flash...
The ones I lost prior to transition were the damage of a girl who was breaking apart....
but there are so many who have held on....
Stepped up...
And encouraged...
From them I need to be nothing but me...
Going through a transition....
The lack of a relationship....
The reality is...
I'm not a girl who is willing to settle....
I never have been...
So I can remain single... un-employed and be ok with that...
Society will just have to catch up with this new way of living....
The weight....
Why do I push myself so hard???
Because I love it...
After spending a morning analyzing this path...
I've realized... I'm not pushing... or punishing....
I'm growing....
Not only in endurance and strength of body...
But also strength of character....
I am adjusting to a new life...
And some day's that will give me the blues....
Not because I'm fighting depression...
But because as with any adjustment you have moments...
Where you just want it to be over...
You long to see the clear cut direction...
To know where your going....
In a very unstable... adventurous life...
I long for that one thing that is consistent...
But....
If you can learn to live a life with out that consistency...
That security blanket....
Imagine the possibilities....
The endless options that will remain available...
If you could learn to live life without anticipating the next step...
Trying to control the out come...
Just letting it happen....
Where would that trail lead you?
And how would you fair?
Maybe there is a lesson in all of this....
For me it is to sit back...
And let it happen....
I cannot control the outcome of my life...
My training...
Relationships...
My Career....
But I can learn to adapt...
And to continue on with pride....
That no matter the end result...
If I finish the race in record time or if I DNF 10 K from the finish....
I will survive...
And tomorrow there will be a new path....
And I will embrace it with the same tenacious... all in approach as the day before...
The path before...
And I will prevail...
Because the only one I really need to obtain acceptance from is myself