MLAAMB log 9

My life as a mountain bum Log 9

Crossroads and Uncle Dale...

I guess to really understand my mountain needs you need to understand where the sparkle came from....

I was a young girl, and by young I would say 8 tops, when I had my first mountain hike...

I don’t really remember much from our trip to the mountains, outside a hike with my Uncle Dale...

I remember the trail, and the wonder of the climb, although at this point I’m certain it was probably a small hill...

I remember drinking from a clean fresh spring, and feeling like that water held magic in it....

And that is all I remember from that trip, the magic of that one adventure...

Being with Uncle Dale, trying to keep up to his long strides...

Listening to him talk about the trail, and the mountains, and the nature around us....

Only to be taken back years later to another wonderful adventure up another mountain trail with that same wonderful man....

Building new mountain memories and bonds....

I think the Mountains, trail running, and hiking, is a disease that some catch early in life...

And it lays there dormant until we are ready to embrace it again...

It makes perfect sense that I would return to the Mountains for healing...

How when I was at my most broken moment I found strength...

Only to move permanently 7 years later...

And eventually make my life here.

It also makes sense that I have struggled with the last few bits of my previous life being stripped away... Embracing life of less....

A life that is stripped of titles and salaries....

And brought back to the basics...

And as the weeks go by...

And I slowly learn to let go...

It makes even more sense that I am willing to have even less...

To loosen my grip just enough to allow for a little more freedom to come in....

To really make the next year about freedom...

And self-discovery....

I turn 40 in just a few days....

It’s just another number....

But one that has me longing enough for those first mountain days 7 years ago...

When I knew nothing of the trail...

Nothing of gear...

Nothing of nutrition...

Where each adventure was filled with wonder...

And at the end I would fall into my car and cram an apple down my throat to keep myself from bonking too hard....

How I had no idea how to work my Garmin...

I didn’t know what a race was....

I owned road runners from Winners....

And was so carefree on the trail I never thought about the dangers of running alone...

I’m looking to find my roots...

The joy of being alive on the trail...

Without trying to do it all..

Or be everything t everyone....

Without spreading myself too thin and missing the whole point of being alive...

So I’m letting go of one more thing....

One more stress...

One more role...

One more paycheck...

And I’m going to focus in on the things that I am really thriving in....

Including my adventures.....

Because the mountains are calling....

And I must go!

My life as a Mountain Bum Log 8

It’s interesting where the mind will go at times....
Tonight as I prepped for my evening adventure I set the crock pot on high and filled it with chicken thighs.... Anticipating the hunger that would follow a night on the trails...
My run was a thing of beauty...
Stunning trails, fun and technical terrain....
A not so fun bear encounter...
Lots of heat....
Even more beautiful scenery....
and the feeling of accomplishment after a long weekend on the trails, and tired legs.
The exhilaration of the adventure fed my soul as I headed home thinking it was time to feed my body...
Opting for a quick hard-boiled egg and apple, I decided to leave the crock pot on a while longer while I walked the beasts and took a salt bath....
A little extra time to tenderize and simmer in the flavors... 
I took my time with the beasts, and relaxed as my legs were soothed by heat and salt in preparation for my next adventure...
Its funny where the mind goes at times....
From an exhilarating and fulfilling adventure to the crock pot on the counter...
As I pulled the meat out and shredded it for my weekly meals my mind drifted to that first time I bought the Crock Pot I affectionately call "my wife"...
I was visiting my sister in Swift Current...
It was a hard time in my life as i was taking the steps to leave an unsafe Marriage, and I just needed to get away to clear my head....
She made us ribs in her Crock Pot, Sweet and Sour Ribs.... that were the best thing I had ever tasted in my life....
We chatted over ribs and she told me all about the glory of the crock pot.... 
A most normal moment in my very broken world...
The next day we went to the Co-op and I bought one for myself...
She's not fancy... 
She has no auto timer...
Only 3 settings....
Simmer...
Low...
And High....
She's not pretty at all...
Decorated in a 1970's retro look that is just retro enough to not look cool, rather like an old farm house....
But she is loyal...
She has cooked for me countless meals...
Always leaving something hot for me to enjoy after a long day of work or adventure seeking...
Sometimes she cooks all night to bring me pulled pork for my lunch the next day...
Or she hosts family pot lucks with her famous caramel apple filling... 
And each time I use her I am reminded of my sister...
And how I took 3 things away from that weekend...
My Crock Pot....
The H1N1....
And a little more strength to move forward in the process of changing my life....
I guess in some ways my little "wife" reminds me of my freedom...
And all those amazing people who supported me through that hard time.... 
And so I'll cherish my ugly 1970's crock pot....
And all the memories that come with her....
But mostly...
I'll just love her for her yummy food!

Am I ready? MLAAMB Log 7

My life as a Mountain Bum

Am I ready?

March 7 2016—Log 7

Its 12:49 on a Monday....

I spent the morning doing work stuff, race stuff, and personal stuff...

Including hacking at my dogs unruly hair....

Both girls are sleeping peacefully despite the 80’s feathered look they are sporting...

My window is open.... Letting in the spring like mountain air...

Lady Mac and Squaw look beautiful in the sunlight out my window...

A view to live for....

That is what it is...

Yet inside, I feel like crawling into my room... pulling the covers over my head....

And just hiding....

My life changed this weekend....

And instead of having work to bury myself in, I am forced to face the reality of that change.

I have come to realize this weekend, just how easy it was to numb myself to feelings when I was on call 24/7....

When I had so many people relying on me....

Now...

With me...

And my girls....

Alone in my condo....

I realize...

I spent to many years chasing a dream...

A life....

That didn’t exist....

We get one chance at this life...

One chance to love...

One chance to live...

Once chance to leave a legacy....

Life goes on...

Can I figure out how to move with it???

Can I learn to leave my past self behind...

And accept the life that is in my future....

Can I give what I’m supposed to give...

Laugh without restriction...

Love without boundaries,

Be a person of value...

And friendship....

I think so...

I had great examples before me....

I will follow them...

I will move forward...

Step by step....

Look out world...

I’m coming....

And we al thought this mountain move was going to be easy ;)

My Life as a Mountain Bum Log 6

My life as a Mountain Bum’.

Out Running the disease

March 4 2016—Log 6

And then came the run....

Or at least that is how it feels...

Its now a full week since I hung up my crown...

Living as the Bagel queen was wonderful....

But as my life started to role here, I once again spread myself to thin....

And when that happens the new girl in me assesses the situation and grabs what is best from her life and moves forward....

When my friend Tony brought some opportunities into my world involving racing I knew I found where I needed to be...

As the Co- Race Director for Blackfoot for the past several years, running is my passion...

I’m slow... I’m not athletically built...

But that doesn’t keep me from throwing myself into creating an amazing experience for everyone who runs my races...

As these opportunities materialized I knew I had to cut something loose, and the 5:30 am start time with the Bagel Queen was it.

It was sad to let it go...

And 100% Scary....

I am once again trying to figure out financial security...

Do I look for stable work, in addition to what I’m doing??

Or do I try to grow this area in my life?

When I moved to the Mountains it was to leave the work till you die life behind me...

But I’m so wired for that I panic when I don’t have it...

How do you work yourself to the point of exhaustion?

Catching the disease of stress, and when you break free... keep searching for it?

I have come to accept that I am an addict.

I am addicted to stress.

And as much as it was destroying me, just like an alcoholic, I am falling apart without it...

It was my comfort, my purpose, and my demon....

I dream about it at night...

It calls my name...

I struggle during the day to hold it back....

To keep it from sinking its claws into my flesh....

I have once again found my calling...

A place in my life that I excel...

Working with people, customer service/sales/running....

Can you combine that into a life?

I don’t know....

But I’m sure as hell going to  try!

My Life as a Mountain Bum- Log 5 - Long Live the Bagel Queen

My life as a Mountain Bum’.

Long Live the Bagel Queen

January 13 2016—Log5

It’s Tuesday Jan 19. I’ve officially lived full time in Canmore for just under 1 month.

A Dream Realized....

Two Days Ago I emerged as the self proclaimed Bagel Queen, a fun job to supplement my income and, if we were being honest, keep me busy. After 2 weeks working a little over part time for the “girls” I was antsy, and I needed to make a little more so I could enjoy my life as a mountain bum...

Today, a conversation with one of my co-workers really brought a new perspective on my new life. You see in the past, as I mentioned in my previous blog, I was all about the title, looking and feeling like I was important.... somebody.

As my co-worker and I were joking about past lives, I said the old me would probably disown the new me.

For so long I looked at people in jobs like the one I am in now, and thought “how could they not want more for their life??” the lack of ambition or desire to evolve almost repulsed me at times. I just could not understand how people could settle.

Yet, isn’t that what I was doing?? Settling into a job I’m way over qualified and probably too smart for?

As I really considered my role, and how it was completing me, I took time to really observe my co-workers. The immigrants working on visa’s so they can experience the Mountains, and Canmore. The Manager who has a lovely Irish lilt, my wee friend “Fish” who brings light to every ones faces with her thick accented greeting... to see her in action is to see her turn even the surliest of faces into a smile with her simple “Hello, can I help you”.  The owner, who sparkles in his own right... reminding me of Chris Cringle form the long ago Christmas animated movies... who took a look at my over priced resume and still took a chance at giving me a non-overpriced job. Lastly, the Geologist who is living out of his camper truck, with his dog and his dreams, A man like myself, only a wee bit younger, who realized that his best life wasn’t chasing rocks in Alaska, the man who started this whole internal debate. The Man who really seems to understand that life lived at it’s simplest is the best life lived.

So what did I learn by observing and reflecting? From looking inward, instead of looking at what peoples perception of the outward was?

I guess, for me, I learned that these people have real joy. Something I have been looking for in my titles and “power positions”. The understand simplicity, and how to thrive within it.

It was as a Realtor in my office said after my first day as the Bagel Queen... “who cares what you do, you get to live here!” And He was right, that is what matters at the heart of it all. I have found the secret to accepting simplicity, and thriving. I realize it doesn’t matter what my title is, Manager, General Manager, Owner, or Bagel Queen. I am living my best life in this moment and I am going to embrace it, and be proud of it. It doesn’t matter to me what my “friends” think of my lack of title or prestige.

Who knows what the future holds, the only thing I know 100% is that I have more to learn from these amazing people, and until I have taken it all in, I’m not going to let them go.

Besides, I am certain, there will be many Bagel Queen stories to share. “The Adventures of the Bagel queen and her friend “Fish”.”

Yes, Long live the Bagel Queen!!

My life as a Mountain Bum Log 4 -- Learning to sparkle

My life as a Mountain Bum.

January 13 2016—Log 4

Its Wednesday Night in Lisaland... After a week of getting settled, a week of playing around in real estate, trying to find my groove I started to feel anxious.

I love working for the girls, I love trying to build a structure to make them shine. I love feeling a part of all that, but, I wasn’t sure where I was in the whole game plan. Until today....

This week I faced the disappointment of not hearing back from a job I thought I had. A good job, paying decent money, with benefits, that would have tied me down to a life I wasn’t sure I wanted. The more I thought about it that more it didn’t sit well, but the rejection, or lack of rejection, still broke me.

The reality is, for so many years I have put an emphasis on being something, being in demand, being “important”. I’ve felt that I’ve needed to live that life, to live up to expectations of myself, and what I thought others expected of me.

I spent that past few years pouring myself into a career that I enjoyed, Loving a group of amazing men who I watched work as many or more hours than I did, chasing something they may never reach.

I felt their heartaches, the family struggles, the illness and injuries, the heart attack that almost took one of my dearest men.

I woke up at 4am to rush to accidents and unfit jobsites, 2:30am for safety meetings, I hugged my men, I cried for my men, and I laughed with my men often. I cannot help but think I made a difference in their lives, but more than that they made a difference in mine.

So why was I struggling to accept the path I was taking to make a difference in my own life. Did I not deserve this opportunity???

Yesterday was a defeating day as I hit the pavement looking for a job to supplement my main focus working with Clare and Mary-Anne in support and marketing. I found myself confronting my pride, and really having to humble myself.  I considered running home, to Edmonton, to my parent’s basement and hiding there.... I felt shame.

After a terrible sleep, I woke up and read a post from a friend on Facebook... It was a photo that said “today’s plan: 1. Drink Coffee 2. Ignore negativity 3. Be Awesome” and I decide that was exactly what I was going to do.

I got up, walked the girls, got ready, went to the office and started working on Real Estate Files, booking showings for Clare, and just enjoying being around amazing people. Around noon I decided to break for a coffee, foregoing my typical stop at Good Earth I walked down 2 blocks to my favorite bagel place, enjoying the gorgeous warm winter day. I had a purpose in this walk, outside the gluten free apricot cookie I was going to cheat on my diet with, the store next to the bagel company had recently been advertising an opening, so I figured it was worth a shot. I overshot the bagel co to peak at the entrance to the Pilates clothing store, not seeing the help wanted sign I decide it I would splurge on a cookie and a latte and console my mood.

As I reached to open the door to the bagel co. I noticed the sign, Energetic, fun loving, awesome people needed (ok, it didn’t exactly say that but that is what it said to me). I decide at that moment, if there was no line, I would ask about the job.... So I walked in fully expecting a line 6-8 deep as normal, yet there I was, the only one... so I took my chance... and I met the most amazing people, an owner with more sparkle than I have... and I took a job that is not going to add to my title. It doesn’t put me in a power suit... in fact, it puts me in an apron...yet, I’ve never felt so alive in my life.

I get to live a life I dreamed, in the community I love... I get to support two amazing women who took a chance on me, not questions asked.... two women who have faith in me... and have helped me find my faith in myself. I get to work as the Bagel queen at a favorite spot shared by Al and myself....

And, instead of feeling embarrassed about taking a job below my past, I have found nothing but support and encouragement from the people in my life.

It’s not about the power suit, nor about having a title, or letters behind my name.... its’ about living, laughing, and being free.... For the first time in so long I feel I am exactly where I need to be!

My life As a Mountain Bum -- Log 3 Freezing with Friends

My life as a Mountain Bum.

January 10 2016—Log 3

Its Sunday night in my little mountain town, I’m warm inside my wee condo, Anthony Bourdain is playing in the background on the TV, and as always the girls are snoring softly.

Al left a few hours ago, my house feels somewhat empty, and I’m left sitting here reflecting on a weekend of laughter and companionship.

It was one of those weekends where the frozen mountains brought with them a wicked wind, -28 with wind-chill was our theme on Saturday, yet, somehow, our crazy friend Wayne managed to get us out for a snowshoe. With a promise of laugh’s and a good time we bundled up and headed east to Exshaw where we met up with Wayne, Trish and our new friends Jos and Willamena.

As Al got out of the car to greet Wayne all I could hear was the brutal wind whipping around our car, and with that my resolve disintegrated. There was no way I was getting out of the car! Five minutes later a smiling Wayne was waiting to greet me with a hug and a promise of the wind disappearing once we got into the canyon.

The next 4 hours were a blur that I cannot begin to describe, nor do our photos do it justice.

We hiked about 2km to the canyon entrance, over a brutal open landscape, the wind whipping around us. Once I caught up to the group I saw it, the entrance to what I call the “canyon”, some light scrambling around boulders and knee deep snow into a staggering valley, the wind completely disappeared, and we were surrounded by the overwhelming beauty of the mountains. From the blue green ice to the fresh powder the terrain was easy and challenging in its own right. The views took my breath away, and I found myself humbled in constant awe of the beauty the mountains harbor. Laughs, conversation, and time in my own mind brought a personal connection and spirituality only the mountains can provide.

Hours after we started the group descended upon my wee home for fresh cinnamon buns Al-A “half way Wong” and hot tubing. With laughter and great conversation we finished out an amazing day, and I was content, realizing this was something I had longed for... for so many years, my Love... my friends...laughter...and conversation in my own home.

Tonight, as I sit alone in my wee home, I realize just how rich my life has become, and I am excited to see where it leads. Money comes and goes, but these adventures... these connections... they live forever in the soul.