Somewhere between Martin Sheen... Lady Gaga... and texting with Henkell....

Last night I took a pilgrimage...
It was unexpected...
Totally out of the blue....
But there it was...
This long trek....
From the comfort of my own couch....
To start... let me set the mood....
You see today is moving day....
I am taking all my personal possessions and carting them 30 minute across town...
As my joke goes....
to be 30 minutes closer to Canmore...
Anyone who knows me...
or has seem my little nugget of goodness in the river valley...
knows...
This move is a little bitter sweet...
I have come to really love this condo...
We have bonded over bruised knee's....
midnight run's...
Broken hearts...
And beautiful nights....
I'm sure if these wall's could talk they would have some amazingly funny moments to share...
They put up with my morning dancing...
My late night giggles at myself...
My diet schemes...
My "sufferfest moments".....
The nights I have just one to many glasses of wine and get a little nutty all by myself...
Yes if these walls could talk...
So....
In true Lisa form..
I decided to celebrate my last night with my personal possessions in my little haven....
I popped the cork on a bottle of Henkell and cozied up on the couch to bond with Netflix...
And that is where I found my pilgrimage...
It was not even a good movie...
The acting was mediocre....
There was no real story line...
Just once mans quest to get from point A to point B...
And the people he met along the way...
And somewhere in these 2 hours and 12 minutes of trekking...
I realized...
I need to do this quest....
So foolishly...
After a bottle of bubbly and 2 hours of dreaming about this trek...
I texted a friend and tried to convince him to join me....
Mostly because his vacation time works with mine....
but also because I know my parents would not support me trekking 800K in Spain all by myself...
After a few confusing texts....to which I'm certain my friend thinks I'm a total nut job....
The movie ended...
and I headed to bed...
Where I continued  my quest through the night....
And this morning...
I woke...
With a new clarity....
A funny one to be honest...
Maybe it was the bubbly...
Or the fact I spent 3 nights in a row in my own bed instead of an air mattress....
But I've come to realize some fantastic things about myself....
And where I'm headed....
Foolishly...
I recently thought I should re-enter the dating scene....
I've been lonely for that one person to enjoy my adventures with...
To call at night when I'm stressed...
To laugh with...
Argue with...
And love....
but last night...
There it was...
As I slept a peaceful....
Bubbly encouraged sleep....
I have an amazing life...
I have some amazing friends...
This journey I am on is not alone...
I have so many people sharing it....
Laughing with me...
challenging me...
teaching me...
Loving me....
It doesn't matter if I go to Spain... (although I am seriously going to try and talk my friend into this!!)
I have the most amazing adventure greeting me every day....
With some of the most amazing..
Crazy...
Good Hearted...
genuine people life could ever throw my way....
Yep...
All I have to do is take a look at my face book photos to be reminded...
I have a cool life...
I am blessed...
And I have done this by myself...
For me....
Yep...
Martin Sheen....
Henkell....
and a Morning of Dancing with Lady Gaga have proven to me...
My life is awesome...

"ism's".....

I am known to have little "lisa-ism's"....
Quirky little sayings and quotes...
funny word misplacement's...
my own pronunciations...
and so on....
The key thing for me is all of them I say and stand behind with great conviction.
People who know me well embrace these funny little "words"....
And just roll with it...
Those who don't know me well often look at me like I'm 1/2 nuts....
But it's those who are either trying to understand me...
Or who think they should be correcting me that are the funniest to hang out with....
Take for instance the Vodka press.
I've called it a push for about 15 years...
Most bar tenders just look at me like I'm an idiot and make me a press with  a twist...
but every once in a while someone feels the need to remind me that its a press... not a push...
Honestly... I don't care...
Just make the dang drink...
Another favorite of mine is boinking vs. bonking....
I boink on a trail...
everyone else bonks....
And I don't care...
Boinking sounds more...me...
I realize that to many of you it has a totally different meaning...
But to me...
boinking has this amazing mental image of me...
Hitting that great wall...
Stumbling...
Falling...
And boinking right back up....
with pep in my step...
Bounce in my pounce...
to defeat the remaining trail...
Way better than bonking...
Which is a heavier sounding...
hit the wall...
Fall flat on your face and BONK your down....
I've never been able to pronounce the word Iron...
I just cannot....
It refuses to form on my lips...
Just as much as my body refuses to perform the task...
Instead...
I take my things in to be pressed :)
My Chicago Friends giggle at the way I say Mommy and sorry....
Here is where I draw the line...
I'm right...
My Mom is my mom... not my mAm.... (sorry my little Italian friend... I'm right your totally off base!!)
And the list goes on... and on... and on...
The reality is...
If you read this blog...
Or hang with me long enough...
You will begin to embrace these Lisa-ism's...
You may even find yourself using them from time to time...
And as we get to know each other even better...
You will begin to see that there are so many more "-ism's" that surface....
they are a part of who I am...
Just as much as my love for the trails...
My love for my clients...
And my poopy dog's...
Its amazing what one person can come up with when left alone in their own head for hours on end....

Shattered.....

There are pieces of me ....
Smiles..
Laughs...
Tears....
little bits of my heart...
Warmth...
Tenderness....
Passion.....
Rare moments of anger....
Flashes of lightening in my peaceful world....
All these wonderful bits that make me who I am...
Little moments in time.....
That stack up to create one whole....
And these pieces are scattered through out the years...
From mountain tops...
To dusty terminals...
To the Hawaiian sands....
Scattered...
Held by other lands...
Other times....
some by precious people I have chosen to share a little bit of my heart with....
Sometimes I wonder...
With all these bits scattered...
Do those of you who hold a part of me understand that it's a gift?
Do you cherish it...
As I cherish the bit's and pieces that have been left with me.....
Do you even know it's there???
Yes...
I am convinced that there are little pieces of me...
Some laying dormant...
To be awakened when I find them again...
In the same way my heart sings when I turn that corner and catch my first glimpse of the three sisters...
When I feel the arms of a good friend embrace me....
And some....
Ready to take the leap...
into the arms or memory of another person or place....
Some are meant to be precious moments in time...
Laughter...
tenderness...
Love....
And some are meant to be broken....
Each little bit....
creating one whole....
until  I am complete....
One person...
Made up of millions of little pieces....

Dreaming.....

I feel like I should be blogging tonight...
About what I'm not certain...
On one hand I had such an amazing weekend....
Embracing good friends..
Spending time getting to know another friend better...
yet on the other hand....
I left the weekend with a really rough day to follow....
I've come to realize I'm really breaking....
It's not a bad thing...
It's just reality...
I've taken on too much...
My "helpful" personality has once again embraced more than it can hold....
I've also come to realize it's been over 2 years since my last REAL vacation...
You know the kind...
Where you go away... by yourself...
With no agenda....
but to be by yourself...
To feel the sand between my toes..
Taste the salt water on my lips...
to soak in the sunshine....
And lose myself in a haze of nothing...
As the song says.... "nowhere to go, no where to be..."
Thanks to a weekend spent with a good friend...
I've had that feeling once again stirred up....
The longing to just lose myself...
To not have to worry about this clients need's...
Or the companies staffing...
Or the lack of sales in my portfolio in the past 2 weeks...
A place where I can let go....
and breathe....
A place where I can laugh....
At nothing but the breeze as it teases it's way by....
A place where I can beleive in romantic notions...
and silly dreams...
if only for a few moments....
a place where I can embrace adventure...
With no timeline....
no responsibility...
no finish line...
no cell phone...
Just me...
my heart...
and my adventure....
So often I have voiced my desire for less...
The need for balance...
for peace...
yet I don't hold true to myself...
and my desires...
I keep plugging along...
scared of what will happen if I let go...
If I stop long enough to be just with me....
I guess that is one more fear I'll have to let go of...
For I've come to realize this weekend...
That with each passing day I am getting older...
And I deserve more...
I deserve to learn to beleive in love...
To trust without question...
To climb the mountain trails...
To feel the sand between my toes...
to spend time with my friends...
Those who love me most...
I deserve to live...
to laugh...
To love...
And to be loved....

Sexy toes and scabby kness.....

There is something to be said about scabby knee's....
Deep set bruises....
Scars....
war wounds that we wear with pride.
Little medals of honor...
A testament to our bravery...
Our courage...
And that moment where we lost focus....
Just long enough to take a good long tumble...
Yes...
I love my scabby knee's!!
What brought this little rant on your might ask....
consider this for a moment....
My recent trail adventure had left my cute toes chipped... and in a bad state of repair...
I was humiliated at how they looked peaking out from my sandals...
And even more horrified at the idea of showcasing them in the stunning new champagne stilettos... with a cute little toe peep I just purchased....
Never mind that my silky dress is not even knee length and the full glory of my knee will be showcased....
I had a toe issue going on.....
I beleive... no matter how banged up I get... my toes should always be the picture of perfection....
Probably because I have an amazing toe keeper....
Who gives stellar calf massages... and laughs over each of my wounds with me....
And I also have the romantic dream of some dashing man massaging my cute toes after a long day on the trails....
Sadly...
this time I had to cheat on my amazing toe friend...
Being 3 hours from home and having a wedding in 24 hours I knew I had to call in for reinforcements....
As I sat in the big chair waiting for the pampering to begin my "new lady" looked at my knee with horror....slight revulsion... and then disgust....
oh yea... it's that good... and it's been healing.... if only she saw it 3 days ago!!
The funny thing is... this reaction transported me back to a a place about the same time last year... where I had crashed my road bike and was covered in an amazing rainbow of bruises...
And the reaction of one of my friends...how disgusted he was... and how I felt almost dirty for being "marked".....
The reality is....
I love my bruises...
I love my wounds...
They shine brighter than diamonds...
and are worth more than all my possessions combined...
Each scrape... each scar.... each colorful bruise tells a story...
And each story holds a piece of my heart....
So tomorrow when I strap on those amazing shoes...
And I slide into that silky dress....
I'll add a little sparkle to that glorious knee....
And I'll be proud....
And to all of you who think it's disgusting...
Dirty...
That girls shouldn't have scabby knee's....
I'll tell you this...
I am no girl...
I am 100% female....
I am 100% woman....
And I find scabby knee's sexy.....

Where ever the trail leads......

Recently I had a friend tell me he thought life was a test....
Just one big learning experience that we are to traverse our way through....
The ups and downs that lead us to that final exam....
I'm not one to often disagree with someone I respect...
But in this case he is totally wrong...
Life to me is not a test.
Its an adventure.
Series of amazing experiences that create who we are...
The very fabric of our being....
I've always felt that each person, each experience we embrace is meant to create us into better versions of ourselves.
Each person is a gift... who has something valuable to share...
And you... you are meant to touch each life you come in contact with...
Good or bad... your purpose on this earth is to impact lives...
Looking at my own adventure to this date I can easily tell you those of you who held the deepest impact.... and those who quietly walked by...
Today....
I'm thinking specifically about 3 people....
One who tore me apart... so I could build myself back up...
The most precious gift I've ever been given....
The gift of myself.. inner strength...
Self Respect...
Self Love....
Yet... he stole something precious...
My belief in real love...
Trust...
and value....
The second... a dear friend who pushed me back to the trails...
Who challenged me from afar... sharing his mountain passion through his words...
Igniting in me that fire again....
through the encouragement...
The kindness... and the challenge placed before me...
I embraced each trail on my own...
Learning to trust myself again...
To be strong for myself...
To really love myself.. to laugh with myself...
To embrace my life....
Because of you....
I am content with me... just being me....
I have grown...
I have developed a deeper passion for the trails...
And I have come to love you as my dearest brother....
And lastly...
My most beautiful friend....
The one who suffered so much while I too suffered...
Who showed me that we can move on...
no matter how broken....
it is because of you dear friend...
I once again beleive in love....
I beleive in relationships...
You have proven to me that no matter how strong we are...
This adventure is far better shared than faced alone...
You have shown me that there is a perfect friendship out there...
The kind that challenges you to grow...
The kind that makes you a better you...
The kind that respects your space...
Your need to be you...
While enhancing everything you are....
Tomorrow I will toast you...
I will love you...
And I will watch with the rest of the world as you take this journey with your best friend....
And I will know that I am a better person....
Because you have shown me that no matter how hard the journey is...
No matter how scary....
If we don't take that first step...
We might miss out on something magical....
you my friend have once again made me beleive in love....
and made me realize that it is time I stepped out of my own shadow and took a leap of faith...
and I am forever grateful....
Just be warned....
It's your turn to pick up the pieces...
Spy on blind dates...
And laugh at me behind my back as I moon over my perfect friend.....
Yes...
I beleive life is an adventure....
And I'm ready....
Ready to share it....
Or face it on my own....
where ever the trail may lead...

leaving it all out there.... a sin 7 adventure

There are thousands of things I have learned while running in  the dark... those of you who know me well know that this is my passion....
The unnatural... somewhat naughty feeling of running through the deserted streets while the rest of the natural world sleeps has always held my attention...
but for me...
the greatest thrill....
the biggest desire....
Is night running on  mountain trail...
Where you have nothing..
But you and nature at every turn....
I can still hear the first rushing creek as I was running at a great pace down hill...
Breaking the rules I had one ear bud in to help keep me focused while I set my sights on catching my one competitor that I had to beat..
I was startled... curious if it was a bear growling at first....
then I realized... the sound was nothing of an animal... rather mother nature rushing...
Over rocks and terrain....
Rushing towards nothing in the crisp dark mountain air....
And that is what not only terrified me... but delighted me...
That first real rushing.... dark.... creek crossing...
It was there in the icy cold water that I knew....
This was going to be one of the most amazing adventures I will ever embrace....
My speed picked up...
My mood soared....
I was on top of the world....
Slowly...
I reeled them in...
Competitor after competitor...
11 in total...
Laughing...
Singing....
Pushing onward as there is no tomorrow....

Each up and down brought a new delight...
a challenge to be encountered.... approached and conquered....

I couldn't tell you how many creeks I crossed....
it had to be at least 7.....
what I can tell you is that each time I heard the rush of mother nature... my pace quickened...
Eagerly I greeted each one... with passion.. excitement and respect....

then came that glorious moment...
I could see the transition station lights and I knew...
I had devoured the first leg of my journey....
As I approached the transition line I began to search for the chip timer.... the all mighty...
You must never lose this chip... device...it is your being... all you are in this race...
And that is when it happened...
I lost focus for a mere moment... and I was attacked by the very trail I had so enjoyed...
As the rocks came up to greet me I had no defense but my right hip...
Down I went taking a large rock into my hip bone....
Feeling it connect....
Based on adrenaline alone I rushed to the finish line....
Timed in...
Changed my wet  muddy shoes and started on....
To leg 7....
The climb from hell....
It was there I knew I was in trouble...
I had turned in my hand held light based on the fact my head lamp was throwing so much light...
It was to lighten my load and help my propel myself up the hill...
Never once did I imagine that it would be art of the down fall of my amazing race....
I had given myself an allowance of 20 minutes for the climb based on my previous years numbers....
Anything more would be tragic...
Besides... I knew after the climb things would even out and start slopping to the finish.... (duhn dhun daaaaahn)
7 minutes into my climb I knew i was in trouble... the pain from my hip was referring into my lower back... making each step count....
17 minutes to the turn.. I was ready to embrace relief....
looking forward to a nice gentle slope to the finish....
I was under my climb time and feeling...
good....
Sadly....
This is where the course changed from the previous year....
I cannot tell you what it was.... beyond exposed rock... technical trail... scree... steep up and down....
And pain....
What ever happened the combination... along with fatigue and an altered gait was my demise....
7-8 k in I took my final fall...
I felt the impact in my knee... my hand ripped open and warm goo started to coat my hand and arm....
about the same time my head lamp started to act up...
I had 5 k to go...
I was scared of loosing light...
I was hurt....
And I was determined....
I pushed forward...
doing my best to keep my pace at a 9KM ph... a power walk....
One look at my blood soaked hand and the world began to spin....
you will not faint I yelled inside my head... you are stronger you will complete this....
Pushing forward...
My head lamp dies....
and I am left with the light of the moon and the lightening in the distance to push me onward....
one step at a time...
Running where I could...
I was determined to make it under 2 hours....
I reached the final pavement and knew I had 4.5 K to go....
At 1 km left I met my final aid station and was greeted with shouts of medic... help needed wounded runner.... I realized then it was me they were shouting at....
I had no idea up to that point just how bloody I had become....
The blood coating my knee and hand were disgusting...
Not only was I unaware of my wounded my knee I was not registering the pain due to my hip....
Alarm rushed through me.... and immediately I felt the pain....
I begged the aid station not to call ahead for a medic as I was worried that it would scare my team...
With a promise to head to the medic as soon as I finished I pushed...(more like trudged on....).
My head was spinning...
My body was screaming....
I wanted nothing but a warm hug to tell me it would be alright....
The remainder is a blurr... I know I finished... I have a medal to prove it....
I know I saw the medic.... and fought hard not to throw up and pass out while they attempted to clean me...
I recall being directed to shower.... and given a small towel and soap....
I know I went back the the medic and there were two ladies....
and I remember passing out in my car....
At one point a friend came to help me get back to the bed and breakfast...
I think I cried.... 

Today.... I ache... from head to toe....
Yet I know I would do it all again....
My daddy once said to me... after a good tumble on one of my mountain adventures....
Lisa... you run enough trails your bound to fall down....
It was my time....
And I took it for all it was worth....
Tomorrow is a new day....
And I will embrace it...
Love it... and face it....
HEAD ON....
Because there is no other way...

Letting go.....

I spoke about you today...
Really spoke about you...
not the typical glaze over....
but real things....
How you made me feel when we first met...
How beautiful you were.... 
How I fell....
deeply...
Head over heels...
Until I could see nothing but you...
How my family originally fell for you...
How foolish we all were....
Your smile...
your cute white hat...
Your jeans....
The way you walked into a room that made my heart stop.....

I spoke of you...
With out anger or hatred...
With out bitterness or sorrow...
but just because I finally could....

For the first time...
I let go a little bit...
Just enough....
Because I was ready.....

And I know someday soon....
I'll be ready to let go a little more....
And I will not feel powerless...
I will not feel empty....
I will not be scared...
I will not be ashamed...

For you were a lesson I needed to learn...
A stepping stone to make me a better me....

And although I still have a way's to grow.....
I am a better person because I spoke of you.....

Embracing Change

they say change is inevitable...
Which could explain why I'm sitting on an air mattress in yet another new location... day dreaming about what tomorrow might hold....
Only this time... This new location belongs to me...
It'sf been almost a year to the day since I started the wheels in motion....
The realization that my life was either stalled... or just not where it should be at this point brought some serious contemplation...
and some drastic... and some what immediate action.
The decision to move back to Chicago was an easy one....
I've never really found that place in Edmonton... where I truly felt I belonged....
Chicago hold's my heart....
Memories....
and a future....
The hardest part about deciding to move back to Chicago....
Was decided to no move at all....
The gut wrenching sickness in that final decision....
The sadness at a dream lost....
The longing for the humid day's...
The smell of the south side....
The people....
And in that moment I made another drastic change...
Choosing my career over everything else....putting my faith.... my lively hood... and my trust in a person...a company I hardly knew....
Giving everything I had to carve a place for myself in this company....

Change comes once again....
In the ability to look at my mentor as a friend now...
And honestly say... it's time for me to alter my habits... to focus on me a little more so I can be more effective for you....
A time to reach out and let people in a little closer....
A time to face some of the items that I have been holding so tightly too...
Scared if I let them go my life will somehow.....change....

They say it takes time.... baby steps.... one foot in front of the other...
And so as I lay here tonight on my air mattress....
Looking out my new window....
I'm excited...
Nervous....
And curious....
About this Change....