Dreaming.....

I feel like I should be blogging tonight...
About what I'm not certain...
On one hand I had such an amazing weekend....
Embracing good friends..
Spending time getting to know another friend better...
yet on the other hand....
I left the weekend with a really rough day to follow....
I've come to realize I'm really breaking....
It's not a bad thing...
It's just reality...
I've taken on too much...
My "helpful" personality has once again embraced more than it can hold....
I've also come to realize it's been over 2 years since my last REAL vacation...
You know the kind...
Where you go away... by yourself...
With no agenda....
but to be by yourself...
To feel the sand between my toes..
Taste the salt water on my lips...
to soak in the sunshine....
And lose myself in a haze of nothing...
As the song says.... "nowhere to go, no where to be..."
Thanks to a weekend spent with a good friend...
I've had that feeling once again stirred up....
The longing to just lose myself...
To not have to worry about this clients need's...
Or the companies staffing...
Or the lack of sales in my portfolio in the past 2 weeks...
A place where I can let go....
and breathe....
A place where I can laugh....
At nothing but the breeze as it teases it's way by....
A place where I can beleive in romantic notions...
and silly dreams...
if only for a few moments....
a place where I can embrace adventure...
With no timeline....
no responsibility...
no finish line...
no cell phone...
Just me...
my heart...
and my adventure....
So often I have voiced my desire for less...
The need for balance...
for peace...
yet I don't hold true to myself...
and my desires...
I keep plugging along...
scared of what will happen if I let go...
If I stop long enough to be just with me....
I guess that is one more fear I'll have to let go of...
For I've come to realize this weekend...
That with each passing day I am getting older...
And I deserve more...
I deserve to learn to beleive in love...
To trust without question...
To climb the mountain trails...
To feel the sand between my toes...
to spend time with my friends...
Those who love me most...
I deserve to live...
to laugh...
To love...
And to be loved....