"Thinking outside the box..."
The email said....
"I've decided to put the onus on you to tell me why you feel you should qualify for an interview...."
It went on to suggest we research the position, the company and so on and write an essay (ok maybe not an essay... but I used my own discretion on interpretation) on why we feel we are the right candidate and what our salary expectations would be.....
I considered this email all week....
Feeling more like a contestant in the Miss America Pageant, than an applicant...
"Well Ryan" because we all know Ryan Seacrest would be hosting... he host's everything...
"My solution to global warming is simple, we all wear smaller bikini's"....
leading into to my talent....
Singing and tap dancing yellow polka dot bikini....Which also would totally cover the swimsuit portion for me.... Sheer brilliance... the male judges would score me 10's and Donald Trump would leave Marlena and I'd be famous.... as the girl who stole the Trump and the crown....
Then we would immediately commence plastic surgery and hair plugs for the Donald....
......
As I considered all the interesting way's I could promote myself....
I began to think...
Who asks someone to explain why they feel they are a team player...
And a leader...
And why they should get the job...
in an email format....
And that's when the "thinking outside the box"....
really struck me...
if he can "think outside the box"...
Why should I respond in such a canned response...
Dear Sir,
I'm a perfect fit for your amazing company.
I will not only strive to help grow your company, but I will lead and love your employee's...
I'm perfect in every aspect...
I am organized...
Neat...
Perfect at sales...
Never have a bad day...
And I smell great. (ok this part is true... I really do smell great!!)
As Far as Salary, please don't pay me...
In fact.... I think I should be paying you....
Anyone can write that.....
So as I settled in with my 4th cup of coffee....
a mild caffeine buzz....
And way too many hours in the truck to really consider my response I began a master piece that took me 1.5 hours to create and tweak.....
I began with the response...
Dear Joe
(you may want a fresh cup of coffee for this email. It's a long one!!)
***names have been changed to protect the innocent... and my potential employer.... because after this email he is TOTALLY gonna hire me!!!***
"I've
been considering your request all week while driving. I want you to
know, first, I understand that my response is not going to be 100% what
you were asking for. I've decided to be a little more personal. I would
like to tell you about me, who I am, what I do for fun, and what is
most important to me.
I think it would be very easy, for someone who
has such a strong sales and marketing background, to tell you what I
think you want to hear in order to get me a job. I'm going to include
some references that you can contact that will tell you about me, being a
team player, how I work, how I train, and how I am as a trainee. That
will give you a more honest perspective from people who have nothing to
gain from talking to you."
Pretty good so far right.....
And then the real Lisa takes over....
I went on to talk about my first employer....
And how he developed in me a passion for construction... training me from the ground up. I mean, I learned everything from "The God Father"... how to build road's... how to fight at community hall meetings... how to build superior product and how to sue people for defamation of character (It's Chicago we all sue everyone).....
Somewhere between Chicago and being recruited for a Condo Conversion in Tennessee I fell of track...
I told stories of flees, my brown Recluse Spider named Fred, The fine art of designer wear in the Kenworth, and how I want to create a stable home environment for my dog's....
I considered including photos...
But decided I already looked crazy enough....
Especially when I closed my essay including a paragraph about how I'm currently facing my mid-life crisis...
I am 100% convinced a this point I WILL be called for an interview....
Based on the quality of my essay...
The broad range of content...
And the total entertainment value....
After being self employed for so many year's I had no idea that the job application process could be so exhausting....
Now I need to find a bikini and clear plastic stripper heel's for my interview....
Although....
If I were the employer I would just hire me on the spot...
No interview needed....
because this application Kicked every other essay applicant's ass!
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